40 questions for my 40th birthday

The big 4-0!

This month, I turn 40 and I thought I'd interview myself as a special birthday post. While it does mean more wrinkles, the silver lining of turning 40 is that I now move into a new “Masters” age group (40-44 years) for running, triathlons, and swimming races! It also means I should probably go to the doctor as I’m due for my annual preventative exams, such as mammography, cholesterol and diabetes screening, and at 45 years, a colonoscopy, too.

Where are you now?

Sitting in my office on a desktop computer in our home in Duluth, MN.

What is the date?

December 3, 2023

What is the weather like?

Chilly, snow flurries. Highs in the mid 30s, lows in the teens. No snow on the ground yet.  

Why do you write? 

I write to share with my close friends and family what our family is up to and how I'm feeling. Sadly, I haven't written nearly as much as I used to before we moved back "home" to Minnesota in 2017. I haven't feel the urgent need to keep our family updated as often since we are fortunate to see them more. However, the kids are much busier now with activities and the spontaneous pictures on FB and IG just don’t tell the whole story. I think this year I am going to make time to write and reflect more like I used to because I think it’s therapeutic. 

Who is your favorite child?

I have two children and they are both my favorite (shhh don’t tell them): Theo is my favorite (and only) son and Marit is my favorite (and only) daughter (but she definitely wins favorite cuddler in the family). 

When have you been most proud of your children?

When they get along and do something kind for someone else without having to prompt them.

What is your favorite color?

Blue has always been my favorite color. However, since graduating from Macalester College, where Seth and I first met, I’ve added the color orange. We used to have a soccer cheer, "Blue and orange, blue and orange, our colors are, there are no words that rhyme with orange! GO MAC!" Blue and orange is definitely my favorite color combo. 

What place from your childhood do you miss? 

I miss my grandparents’ cabin (but I do not miss not catching catfish in the lily pads next to the old pontoon).

I miss the barn where I used to ride my uncle’s Saddlebred horses (but I do not miss having allergies from the hay and dust).

I miss swimming for the YMCA Marlins Swim Team (but I don't miss the green hair). I miss all the blue ribbons that lined my walls.

I miss the tree house and swing set my dad built in our backyard on Wyncrest Ct. (but I don't miss getting in trouble for stealing evergreen branches from the tree farm next door after decorating our log cabin with our handmade wreaths).
I miss Aunt Rita’s backyard tree swing and playing softball in the park across from her house on Easter.

I miss sledding at the park in New Brighton. 

I miss playing competitive soccer and the USA Cup in Blaine, MN.

I miss the Portland Ave. house and running along Summit Ave. down to the Mississippi river in college.

I miss living with Lizz and Val on Warwick and biking to the University every day in medical school.

I miss walking around the Cathedral Hill neighborhood in St. Paul with Seth, especially on days we were snowed in. 
I miss the pisco sours and antecuchos in Lima, Peru. 

I miss going to Volunteer Park in Seattle to see the rhododendrons or dahlias in bloom. I miss walking up the steps to the top of the water tower and seeing the view of downtown and then eating at Volunteer Park Cafe.
I miss taking the ferry to the San Juan Islands.

Favorite movie?

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” and “Sleepless in Seattle” were some of my all-time favorites. For my birthday (and every holiday season) we are watching “Love Actually” at Zeitgeist zinema 2.  

Guilty pleasure? 

Sea salt dark chocolate caramels

What is one quote you often think about? 

"It's not the destination, it’s the journey." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is one goal you would like to accomplish over the next 10 years? 

I honestly don't know. I've spent the last 10+ years trying to get to where I am today. I am trying to remember to celebrate that accomplishment and be happy before I set my goals on the next big thing. One goal I want to accomplish is to take a sabbatical in 2025 and take my family to South America. In the future, I can see myself becoming dean of a medical school one day. 

What is one thing people may be surprised to learn about you?

That I like to be clean and tidy (because my house and office are very messy).

One thing that you got in trouble for as a kid? 

In 5th grade, I saw in the recycle bin a sheet of paper with these coupons, called "Creature dollars", that were rewards for good behavior in school. I grabbed it out of the recycling and asked my Dad to make a photo copy on yellow paper, which is the color they were printed on. My teacher found the sheet of "super creature dollars" in my take home folder. I got called into the hallway where she confronted me. I confessed just as my mom, who was the PTA President, walked by. I remember feeling like I got caught red handed even though I hadn't even used one! That's when I learned, "Honestly is always the best policy." 

What was a good memory from childhood?

I have a lot of great memories as a kid. We used to spend time at my grandparents’ cabin on Lake Velvet. I remember swimming out to the blue raft and diving in. I remember the giant bonfires that my dad and uncles would light (sometimes with the aid of a little lighter fluid). I remember a dozen yellow goldfinches at my grandpa’s sunflower feeder. I remember driving to visit the eagle's nest in Crosslake. I remember saying the holy rosary over and over when driving with my grandparents in their Cadillac to the cabin. I remember checking all the mouse traps when we arrived. I remember playing on Grandpa's golf cart and strapping my siblings into the back where the golf bags rest. We would hit the gas pedal and drive off then quickly slam on the brakes to see if they would fall off the back. I remember the 4th of July parades and puff painting t-shirts and singing songs. 

I also have fond memories tent camping at St. Croix State Park and bike rides with the other kids. I remember our many road trips out west first in the old minivan and then blue Chevy van. I remember our first and favorite cocker spaniel, Toby, who loved to sleep on my bed. I remember Santa coming to our house one year but he had a suspicious thick New Yorker accent.  

What are the 3 most important qualities to have?

Trustworthy/integrity, responsibility, team player (caring, empathy, and hardworking are also high on my list)

If you could be an instant expert in one thing what would it be?

I would be an expert in the aurora borealis and photography.

What does the world need right now?

Love and peace. There are wars between Ukraine and Russia and between Israel and Hamas in Palestine and lots of innocent people are dying, hungry, and homeless.

What is one thing you would like to learn more about?

I’d like to learn more about how to make woodcut or linocut art.

What is one thing your kids do that you don’t understand?

They love to play Minecraft. I’ve seen what they do and build but I just don’t get it.

What nonfiction books do you recommend?

If I had time to read anything good besides what’s on the medical website, UpToDate, I’ll be sure to let you know.

What fiction books do you recommend?

The ones with beautiful pictures that I fall asleep to while reading to my kids, like Owl Moon or What do you do with an idea?.

What was something embarrassing you did?

I’m sure my sister or mom could probably remind me as I tend to forget these moments. One memory that comes to mind is cutting my sister's hair when we were in preschool and then denying it for many years. Also, skinny dipping with my cousins as a kid in Velvet.

What keeps you awake at night?

Worrying about all the work I haven’t done or things I need to do, such as Epic in basket messages waiting for a response, holter monitors to be read, echocardiograms that need to be completed, emails unread, and deadlines coming up.

What gets you mad?

I am pretty levelheaded but when I get home from a long day at work, I get mad when my kids immediately start fighting the minute I walk in the door. They are so mean to each other and fight for my attention. I feel like turning around and walking back out the garage door. It is the least pleasant thing to witness and some days it makes me want to send them away to boarding school.

What surprising lesson has teaching taught you?

Never stop asking questions. Questioning everything helps us to better understand the world around us and why things are the way they are. Medical students and residents ask the best questions and help keep me humble and honest.

What is one thing you wished you learned sooner?

I wish I would have learned that happiness is a state of internal fulfillment and is not the result of external events. You make your own happiness.

What is something people need to stop doing right now?

Reading this blog (haha) and doomscrolling on social media.

What is your funniest moment?

My funniest moment was laughing uncontrollably with my sister about who knows what.

What is the worse advice you often hear?

Statins cause side effects. If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me they don’t want to take a statin because of something they read on the internet… If you have high cholesterol or have had a heart attack or stroke, you should take a statin (or equivalent lipid-lowering medication).

What is the best medicine?
Besides the good old, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” I think the best medicines are the ones your doctor prescribes. Unfortunately, some patients think the internet knows best. In general, I trust science and what your doctor says is best and not what you read on the internet.  

What lessons did you learn from your parents?

My parents taught be a lot about studying hard, being humble and the importance of family and relationships. They taught be to be yourself and treat others with respect. Be kind to everyone because you never know what they are going through (or who they might know). Give genuine compliments. Use good manners; say please and thank you. Be appreciative of others. Don’t be boastful, arrogant, or loud. Be a good listener. Follow your dreams. Marry well. The one thing that I did not learn from them was to be punctual (my mom was ALWAYS late).

What have you learned about friendships?

Friends are all around us. We just need to learn how to be vulnerable and foster those relationships so they can grow.

What is your favorite poem?

“The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost.

It begins:

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth…”

And then it goes on to talk about taking the other grassy path and ends with this:

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost | Poetry Foundation

What is one thing people need to practice?

Patience

What movie makes you cry?

What movie doesn’t make me cry? I’m such a softie these days. I recently watched “Cool Runnings” with my kids and had tears running down my face when they carried that sled across the finish line. I think I cry in every movie.

What is something that is underrated?

Mother nature – from hikes in the woods to the waterfalls cascading into Lake Superior, volcanic eruptions to the aurora borealis, mother nature is amazing in so many ways.

What advice would you give your 25-year-old self?

Travel, travel, travel. When you have kids, you won’t have time (or energy). I’d also say go spend all the money you (don’t) have traveling because when you have it you won’t have any time to spend it. I’m glad I traveled when I did, I just wish I could do it again.

What have been the highlights and accomplishments over the past 12 months?

This has been my most productive year for research: 12 peer-reviewed research publications this year (Benziger CP - Search Results - PubMed (nih.gov)) I was voted a "Top Doctor" in Minnesota for the 3rd year. I helped coach Theo’s traveling U11 soccer team and we won our last tournament of the season. I spent time with friends in Sonoma, CA in the spring with some college friends for their 40^th birthday and then at Macalester for a soccer weekend celebrating our former soccer coach, John Leaney, at the field dedication ceremony.

Any advice or suggestions from this year that you want to remember?

Learn how to politely decline and say “No” or “Not right now.” Prioritize family and important family events. Align my activities and goals with my mission, vision, and values.

I wrote these statements for a leadership workshop I was invited to last year and I think they are helpful to review periodically:

Mission: I am a non-invasive cardiologist that specializes in echocardiography and I am a leader in clinical research on cardiovascular disease prevention and rural cardiovascular disease. My mission is to improve cardiovascular disease health in the community through research and education.

Vision: I aspire to be a national leader in cardiovascular disease prevention and a role model for future generations.

Values: I value the flexibility in my work where I can be a clinical cardiologist, echocardiographer, and researcher and public health expert. My internal compass is directed toward improving heart health for my patients, my community and myself. I value being an active member of my community and a good mother and friend.

My long-term goal is to become a leader of a large clinical trial and be a healthcare leader. Longer term goals include being a national leader in a large national (or international) organization that promotes cardiovascular health. I recently met with a professional coach and a therapist for the first time. I learned that I need to set better boundaries and figure out what I want not what others expect or want of me. I also learned that I'm incredibly burned out and am working to try to figure out how to make work better. 

If you made it to this point, WOW! You are amazing. I probably don’t say it enough but thank you for being my friend and sticking with me through this post and over the years. Sometimes I feel that I haven’t be as good of a friend as I would like to be. It's easy to make excuses with work and kids’ activities but as everyone knows life is not as rosy as it appears on FB and IG. I hope this was a glance into me at 40. Good night.